Self Care ; personal sanctuaries

It’s a privilege to feel safe.

More people everyday comprehend this privilege as their safety becomes threatened.

Those who were born into minorities; visibly and invisibly “not like” those who wield power, hold this sense of insecurity in their bones.

Some people learn ways to protect their tender parts that are varying degrees of healthy. From hiding behind, to hiding out, to being absent and checking out emotionally, dealing with things we can’t change has never been simple or easy.

Instinctively I sought out and created safe spaces for myself even as I never knew it was what I was doing. Finding hiding places when no one was playing hide and seek; pretending.

As a parent, as an adult, carving out space and time without demands became much harder as it became more necessary to be a good parent and be capable of adulting.

It wasn’t until I crashed and burned emotionally, had health issues that landed me in surgeries, that I realized that my body would force a standstill if I didn’t find time to be still.

I excelled at creating sanctuary spaces for others and yet it wasn’t until that final pervasive burnout that I made it a priority to create a refuge of my own.

I began with a comfortable recliner in a corner of a room. Noise cancelling headphones. Aroma of essential oils I enjoyed. Cool temperatures, dim light, weighted blanket, soft pillows. And something to occupy my mind.

I’ve gradually expanded that sanctuary by planting gardens in protected spaces visible from my windows. Making a comfy place in each room with a view where I can look out without feeling I am being seen.

Most of all I’m learning what thoughts threaten my sense of safety and I opt out of anything unnecessary while preparing ways to deal with those things I would do better to be aware of.

I can’t make the world feel safe. But I can make my small part of my world help me know safety.