Disability is Relative: Life Lived in Paradoxes

I accomplish an incredible amount, unfortunately it can all be inconsistent.

It is a challenge for me to come to the computer to write because I have the easier option of doing things on my mobile devices that keep me quite busy and fulfill my need to share. This would not be a problem, if the platform I have the easiest access to were not one many people try to stay off of and away from.

In the perfect circumstances, this platform would be a means for me to have the feedback I need to feel that I was doing what I am doing for more than just myself.

So while one could say it is a disability to be someone who has a mind that will not do things unless there is clear motivation, a mind that gets easily discouraged and frustrated without clear evidence that efforts accomplish what they intended to accomplish, and a mind that struggles with prioritizing tasks because of these and other parameters each activity must meet, It is nonetheless a brilliant capable mind.

It has been my intention to go to those posts I made on another platform and add them here chronologically, but without the gratification that any of it will reach an audience, it becomes difficult to be motivated. Yes, there are many people who would likely benefit from the sense of time out of time in the daily comings and goings- on in the sanctuary, but more often than not it feels like the proverbial tree falling in the forest.

I thought it would be enough to have a place where I organize everything as a record, my inability to get to the computer in order to put it all here belies that purpose.

Yesterday as I was driving my thoughts turned to an idea that would provide another bird feeding station in an area that would be more likely to capture the attention of birds simply flying through the area during migration. Being located not so far from a river, I hypothesized that many birds would be moving north near fresh water sources and foraging along the way. Placing bird feeders closer to the back fence where there is an open area along the main street that runs from the river towards a creek and lakes seemed the thing to do. The only issue became maintaining them in an area I would need to be prepared with insect repellant and boots to go into once the weather turned warmer. Its nearly impossible to keep plants watered without creating water droplets which is all it takes asian tiger mosquitos to breed.

All of these different thoughts took me only about 1/10 of a mile to consider. A larger hanging platform feeder would be big enough to catch any seed eating bird’s notice without having to be set so far back in the dappled lighted overgrown back yard both the birds and mosquitos love.

I already had the 1×2 boards that were leftover from the hanging gardens and I had the leftover green outdoor mesh from the butterfly enclosure. What I needed was hardware to hang the platform. I had enough energy on my way home from my appointment to stop into a Lowe’s and pick up the hardware.

Instead of doing dishes, laundry, cleaning, getting more seeds planted, clearing up the branches from the week of heavy rainstorms.. I spent the rest of yesterday sawing the wood, stapling the mesh to it, using wood glue to hold wood on either side of the mesh, and fitting the extra pieces of support for the frame. This morning was spent drilling the holes for the eye bolts and attaching the plastic coated cable cord.

All of my other jobs went undone because I had reached the limit of the energy I had.

If we were to look at what I did yesterday and today, it would only be considered an accomplishment if I finished the project and it managed to attract more birds. If that was not a priority, it looks like I shirked a lot of responsibility and made the daily tasks that much more overwhelming of a job.

One of the blessing curses I have is my ability to see things from multiple perspectives. Each one being equal. It is what makes my mind a war zone sometimes.

It is very much why there are so few blog posts on the website.

Between the frustration of having to start up the computer, which can take a lot of patience, find a comfortable enough position in which to type, not have hands that are too painful… have the concentration to make words work plus the aforementioned parameters, this website doesn’t meet the let the dishes, laundry and dirt pile up standard.

Nevertheless, I will do what I can to make this the dream it once was. What I ask from anyone who reads this and finds it at all interesting is that you let me know it is not simply a tree falling in a forest of trees where no one is there to witness it.

Published by J Kharey; Resilient Chameleon

I am The Resilient Chameleon. Mastering self-adaptation, reinvention and transformation, trying to fit my vast multi-passionate psyche into society's too small box, I missed something intrinsically important, the only truth we can live is our own. The only true path we can follow is the one our own soul knows. Insatiably curious, never content to not understand a life lived in paradoxes and consistently inconsistent, mine is not the sterile landscape; I find order in the chaos of wild plantings, patterns creating harmony, awe in the sacredness, the spice of surprise and the equanimity of synchronicity. In this Sanctuary you have many choices. Come join me on my journey and walk beside me for a while, explore with the eyes of a different perspective, or travel your own path. Together we can plant and nurture the seeds that allow our souls to flower. It is never too late to bloom.

2 thoughts on “Disability is Relative: Life Lived in Paradoxes

  1. All of that is sounding familiar – I will also regularly let chores accumulate because it feels more important to create or stimulate my mind by reading about something that makes me feel alive or discovering things. I don’t think I have the same barrier of weariness and pain to get through – for me it seems to be stubborn demand avoidance preventing me from writing – or fear that it’s not going to sound well thought out.
    I hope you do keep writing something when you can – it’s always a window into a world I understand. I’d hope both our blogs could cross-pollinate more often.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear the tree. I hear the winds of creativity flowing through the branches! I spent an hour or so yesterday punching holes and setting grommets in a new screen house roof. The former roof pooled water below the drain holes. So much else I “should” have been doing but I fly where my attention focuses (not to say my situation is the same as yours). I’ve always struggled with priorities.

    Liked by 1 person

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